| What triggers stress for you?Most people think they | | | | went, "my life would be so much better."With a little |
| know exactly what | | | | help, Scott was able to pay |
| pushes their buttons, but they're going for | | | | attention to what matters most--1) Providing a |
| the low-hanging fruit. It's the stuff that's | | | | comfortable lifestyle for his |
| hanging in the hard-to-reach branches that | | | | family while doing work he enjoyed2) Having time |
| tends to multiply our feelings of frustration, | | | | and energy to spend with |
| exhaustion and disconnection.One client--let's call him | | | | his loved onesScott recognized that his boss had |
| Scott--told | | | | nothing to |
| me that he knows very well what causes | | | | do with his frustration. What was stressing |
| stress for him: "My boss, the fact that he | | | | Scott was the idea that he had to continue |
| won't give me a promotion, and my stack | | | | to work hard in order to support a lifestyle |
| of bills to pay."Well, isn't that a tidy little package? | | | | that was becoming increasingly expensive |
| But | | | | and exhausting.We all do the same thing--we create |
| here's the problem: Scott looks at that | | | | stories |
| package and feels that there is nothing | | | | that make it easier for us to accept what we |
| he can do with it-- | | | | view as unchangeable circumstances.Scott had a |
| "I must work with the boss who hates me." | | | | heart-to-heart talk with his wife, |
| "I must work harder to get a promotion." | | | | who had believed that Scott's boss really |
| "I must make more money to pay my bills." | | | | was the source of his frustration. Once |
| End of story.When we put our stressors into a | | | | she knew the real situation, things shifted.They |
| package | | | | agreed that what they wanted most for |
| like that, we create an obstacle--the big box | | | | their family was a simpler way of life. Together, |
| marked "This is my life"--that seems | | | | they decided to limit their activities--more |
| impossible to change.That's why we need to shake | | | | dinners home together, more time on the |
| up that package | | | | weekend to enjoy family outings, less strain on |
| a bit, unwrap it and see what's really inside.In Scott's | | | | the family budget. The children were okay |
| case, shaking that life package | | | | with giving up their sports if it meant doing |
| revealed that the whole "My boss is out to | | | | more fun things as a family. They'd signed up |
| get me" story tended to color his perception | | | | initially simply because their friends were |
| of everything about his job.The truth was that he | | | | doing the same.Many of the things we feel we NEED |
| loved the work, enjoyed | | | | to do |
| his colleagues, and felt he was making a | | | | are simply things we start doing. Without |
| difference. However, he didn't feel | | | | paying attention to what we might be |
| appreciated by his boss because he | | | | losing in the process, these activities |
| did not get the promotion he'd | | | | can become an obstacle to creating a |
| expected due to the company's | | | | happy, relaxed home life.Scott's looking forward to a |
| reorganization.Really, his whole "my boss is ruining | | | | year of less |
| my life" | | | | stress, more fun, and greater awareness. |
| concept was a story he created to avoid | | | | He feels much lighter now that he |
| looking at the fact that he was feeling under | | | | recognizes that his boss story was based |
| pressure to make more money to provide | | | | on frustration, not facts.Things are coming together |
| for his family.Adding fuel to the fire, his young | | | | now that Scott |
| children | | | | sees what matters most, and he is surprised |
| were getting into activities--soccer, | | | | at how simple it was to make decisions that |
| gymnastics--that required more money | | | | made life easier for his whole family.Oh, and that |
| and created more stress for his wife, who | | | | package? It turns |
| acted as chauffeur. Scott felt he should | | | | out there wasn't much in it after all.Sometimes, |
| work longer hours, which meant he | | | | those are the best ones to unwrap.Maya Talisman |
| missed out on family dinners and | | | | Frost has taught thousands of people how to pay |
| rarely attended his children's activities.Scott was | | | | attention. Her playful, eyes-wide-open approach to |
| drained. His wife was frustrated. | | | | mindfulness has been featured in over 150 |
| His children missed him. "If only my boss | | | | publications worldwide. |
| would give me a promotion," Scott's story | | | | |